I injected a four-room apartment into my veins, not necessarily on the outskirts,

Where it shelters a family.

I tried to do right by myself, and by mom and dad,

To take them to the school board meeting

When the community officer lamented our truancy,

As we shared unboxed red Viceroy in the bathroom.

We solemnly swore we didn’t all reek of vodka, we said,

See you soon enough.

I was about to lose even more, extended my left arm,

One evening I loved myself from within with a grand heroine.

The needles were a choice, the thefts were not,

The consumption was a choice, the withdrawal was not,

The abuse was a choice, the pain was not.

Every night I stay awake, think of everyone I’ve ever connected with,

Once I had a dream—I fought alone, utterly unfulfilled,

Like a lone wolf, I’m too scared to sleep now, it’s too late,

I don’t know how long I have left.

You feel complicit, you judge in passing,

I will never get there,

Not even I wanted to become like this man.

If you ever bend down to give me a coin,

Know that I fought until the last tear,

To rise up,

To keep rising, intoxicated by venom.

Rarely do I recover,

With drugs in my veins that could kill everyone in control

Within an hour,

Without a drop of guilt,

Without any makeup to cover the shame on your face.

There’s something familiar in this, like when at six I stole 10,000 Lei from the piggy bank,

Bought all the chewing gum from the kiosk, all the way back home, we chewed on it like fools,

In a single direction,

Which I immediately forgot as soon as I was asked where the money was.

Even today, I keep asking where the money is,

When I need it so much.