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We are all torn up inside, I said

I showed you what I am

Never duplicitous, never evasive

I answer for my actions like the most pathetic criminal priest

God never pulls you out of the gutter

“The very essence of the universe lies in the scent of almonds” to quote Alan Watts

With all certainty, all people retreat

When there’s war, and freedom seems like the last chance at life

Man shares from his pain

I have ceased to share anything

If you’d ask some people

They’ll tell you they don’t even know what’s left for me to give

I haven’t had anything to offer for about 4 years now

Doctors have placed polypropylene meshes in me

Which continuously press on every nerve and fiber left in me

I carry a tiger in my pelvis

It roars and tells me not to enter the night without shouting

Against the dying light

It’s pure madness

Believe me when I tell you

I wouldn’t wish a day in my flesh on even the cruelest enemy

It closes in on my eyelids

My vision doubles

On the horizon, I notice colors I will never recognize again

Ever, ever, ever

Guided by I don’t know what

I light one as short as the legs of the promised lie at birth

I visualize just as many principles as are missing from the city

I take them apart, I promised myself I would paint them someday

I hear so many stories that utterly shatter me

They block me in an obscure space

Where an artist often remains alone

Involuntarily, I rise

Somehow, I haven’t fallen in a long time, I keep rising

Sporadically, methodically, I reclaim the sound from the end of the highest thought

I rise where the world intertwines at the horizon

A guide promises me the way in vain

If you remain engulfed in non-being

I would like one last wish to come true for you

For life to be ordered, to be easily deciphered

I love that you like it here beside me

I have no intention of leaving

I do not yield, I do not darken, I do not enlighten

I wouldn’t know how to leave this moment in a deadlock

But somehow with a bit of charm I retreat without hiding

I show myself without offering

I discover myself without understanding

I love myself without knowing why

Together we make the impossible possible